I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
