and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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