did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I want her autograph on my taint
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
