I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
