sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
