I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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