Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
