Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
