She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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