you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
