I hate your face
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
