I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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