My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize