I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
