I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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