Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
