can u get pink eye on your cock?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
