guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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