You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
