It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
