$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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