i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
