and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
