I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
