I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
