I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
