Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Everything about him screamed your future.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
