i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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