My room smells like vodka and shame
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
