I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
