it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
