Screwed.edu
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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