Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
