how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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