we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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