I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
