Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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