i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I love having hate sex.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
