4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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