The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
