is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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