im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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