I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
