can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
