I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
