I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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