I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
