I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
