just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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