Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
