hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
