The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
