There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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