Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
