She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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