btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
