My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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