Quick, to the slutcave!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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