I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
