i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
