This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
