Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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