That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
