i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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