How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
