; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
