Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
