he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
