some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
