Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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