Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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