Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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